Today’s Depression.

I suppose most people starting their blog, are uncertain where to start. This feels a bit like being the new kid, unsure what to say and eager to make a good impression on anyone who might read this.  Crazy, even anonymously, I worry what people might think.  Will I be able to be completely honest?

There are two fundamental reasons for starting a blog.  The first is my love for writing and the second, equally important, is my cowardly view of therapy.  I am not brave when it comes to reviewing or sharing my life in a 1-2-1 environment.  Perhaps there is so much pain; the thought of churning it up leaves me feeling vulnerable and probably traumatised.

You see, life right now is at a dead end.  In recent years, my preference for solitude evolved into isolation and estrangement from family and friends.  You could say I’m wrapped up in cotton wool, utterly terrified of re-joining life again.

They say we really need to want to do something before we can bring about significant change.  It seems the main obstacle, is a large degree of contentment, maybe even safety, in remaining isolated.  I took a back seat from life many years ago, for a good reason.  Too many bad things happened; some I brought on myself, others were beyond my control.

This past little while, Life has been bleak.  I am living with a persistent low mood. Not exactly suicidal, but the flatness and apathy is soul destroying.  There is a distinct feeling of dissatisfaction with who I have become.  There is a faint glimmer of hope that sharing my present and my past will help me move on.  Dare I say, even get over things…?  Can I learn to forgive and let go…?

Of course, I am ashamed of what I have become.  There is considerable embarrassment to admit my current position in life.  But, in the coming weeks and months, sharing those moments is what I intend doing here.  I hope there are other “like-minded” people out there who will share my journey.