Today’s Depression.

I suppose most people starting their blog, are uncertain where to start. This feels a bit like being the new kid, unsure what to say and eager to make a good impression on anyone who might read this.  Crazy, even anonymously, I worry what people might think.  Will I be able to be completely honest?

There are two fundamental reasons for starting a blog.  The first is my love for writing and the second, equally important, is my cowardly view of therapy.  I am not brave when it comes to reviewing or sharing my life in a 1-2-1 environment.  Perhaps there is so much pain; the thought of churning it up leaves me feeling vulnerable and probably traumatised.

You see, life right now is at a dead end.  In recent years, my preference for solitude evolved into isolation and estrangement from family and friends.  You could say I’m wrapped up in cotton wool, utterly terrified of re-joining life again.

They say we really need to want to do something before we can bring about significant change.  It seems the main obstacle, is a large degree of contentment, maybe even safety, in remaining isolated.  I took a back seat from life many years ago, for a good reason.  Too many bad things happened; some I brought on myself, others were beyond my control.

This past little while, Life has been bleak.  I am living with a persistent low mood. Not exactly suicidal, but the flatness and apathy is soul destroying.  There is a distinct feeling of dissatisfaction with who I have become.  There is a faint glimmer of hope that sharing my present and my past will help me move on.  Dare I say, even get over things…?  Can I learn to forgive and let go…?

Of course, I am ashamed of what I have become.  There is considerable embarrassment to admit my current position in life.  But, in the coming weeks and months, sharing those moments is what I intend doing here.  I hope there are other “like-minded” people out there who will share my journey.

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4 thoughts on “Today’s Depression.

  1. theravensdesk127

    I just started a blog on here a few days ago, and feel like the new kid also. I am really looking forward to reading your posts. I hope writing on here helps…I’m trying to do the same thing, get out of a slump and do something I am passionate about while also trying to advocate for mental health issues. I’m really glad you have the bravery to bare your soul, as it were, in a public place. bravo 🙂

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  2. soulspeak2013

    Wow…I too have been in solitude since 2011 and isolated from life ….I totally resonate with this…Thank you sincerely

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    1. Cat Post author

      Oh wow, that did bring back memories to read my first blog post and what a journey it has been. The people I meet daily, like yourself, are truly an inspiration. I read through your other two comments, but I am just about to go off line and would prefer to take a little more time to reply. You raise so many things that I am already facing or fear facing in the future with the NM.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read through some of my posts, it’s always such a comfort to know other people understand. I only became aware of narcissism in recent months, so I am soaking up other people’s experiences.

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