If you have had enough resilience to read this blog, you might agree that I’m all over the place. Maybe you are noticing an apparent need to label myself.
I am an “old depressive” (as in years suffering, rather than age – although, the latter is also true!). Any knowledge of depression comes through direct experience, rather than theoretical.
My own knowledge and receptiveness to self-analysis is not a patch on the people I have met on WordPress. You fellow-bloggers are my inspiration to get life back on track.
I’m grappling around looking for answers to why life is so difficult. I wonder how someone can withdraw from life and exist in almost complete isolation for 13 years – that’s including no contact with family for 6-7 of those years. Even more bizarre is that this gap in time only feels like 3-4 years, at the most. It doesn’t feel odd to have settled into such a rut. I can see there are huge implications of dissociation.
I know it cannot all be down to depression because, right now, I do not feel in the least bit depressed. There is evidently some sort of avoidance/dissociation going on and it is my intention to find out.
Getting a BPD diagnosis has been an immense benefit in helping me understand – and get to know -myself. The current mission is to work on this newfound awareness of chronic avoidance (dissociation?). This is what brings me to Dissociative Disorder.
Well, this brain is having trouble researching, so any comments will be welcome. The theories swing between having ‘a history of childhood abuse/trauma and/or the disruption of a normal parent/child relationship’.
A combination of childhood trauma and early relationships, with a tendency to dissociate, can ultimately result in a Dissociative Disorder. Of course, there are other theories about people having different structures of the brain but, as far as I can determine, experts do not know if this is a cause or an effect.
There are lists of symptoms that are too lengthy to go into here. I do experience a large proportion, but tend to think many of them will probably be consistent with other mental health issues, BPD being one.
The question is… are these issues relating to my BPD, maybe Avoidant PD, or are my “vacant years” and detachment direct symptoms of DD?
Tomorrow I see my Psychiatrist for the first time in 6-8month. It’s the NHS, so I hold little hope of her being keen on spending time assessing me. Nevertheless, I do intend broaching the subject.
In a reply to my last post, “Brokenbutbeingrepaired” (I’ve tagged her blog bellow)left the following link that is very useful if anyone wants to read about DD in more depth.