Back to Borderline Personality Disorder

ImageCommunicating online – in my case, 18-months of Forums and Blogs – can be a powerful influence on our mental health.  My own experiences are proving to be every bit satisfying as they are liberating. 

Most of us write for ourselves, but developing a small audience of likeminded people is most definitely a bonus.  The entire process positively contributes to how I deal with my own mental health.

Blogging helps to reflect on different aspects of life.  It nudges us forward, inspiring each person to work through past and present issues, while preparing for future challenges.  Personally, I get as much out of reading and commenting on other people’s Blogs, as I do my own.

Due to the complex nature of Borderline Personality Disorder, I find that friendships on the internet are easier to deal with.  We maintain a comfortable and non-committal distance, whileImage controlling some parts that we would rather other people did not see.

One of the most intriguing things throughout my blogging is the testimonies about Dissociative Disorders (DD).  Learning about BPD continues to be a massive support in moving forward.  However, there is still a part of the jigsaw missing. 

The little research I did do on DD – and thank you to everyone who has offered their comments and recommendations – there was more familiarity than I was expecting.

I did share these thoughts with my (NHS) Psychiatrist last Wednesday – as expected – she did not seem keen on exploring DD – only saying that the Mentalization Based Therapy beginning in the autumn will include Dissociation, if that is an issue.

A blog that I’ve just started following “Recovering Mentally” is one that I can relate to.  A particular post that I like “The loneliness of BPD” (tagged bellow) highlights just how bloody difficult it is for people living with BPD to maintain friendships and relationships.  This is likely to be one of the main reasons why I isolate to such extremes.  There is a need to protect others and myself from such confusing and hurtful drama.

My friendships – and a couple of relationships – have been intense and ultimately unstable.  This twisted mind can waver between strong dependency and sudden withdrawal.  I am slowly coming to understand this as ‘Splitting Black.  The impulsiveness and insecurities can culminate in intense destructive anger.  This invariably interferes with the harmony between friends and “lovers”.

Fortunately, I direct my anger and destructive behaviour inwards.  A full-blown-destructive-moodImage cycle normally has the tendency to ‘split everyone black’

The post I read, throws light on just how much this behaviour affects other people. 

You could say that, yes; I may well be suffering undiagnosed PTSD from childhood.  There might also be significant Dissociative Disorder issues.  However, one of the fundamental roots for not participating in life lies with BPD.

For the time being, I need to concentrate on ‘Borderline’, holding onto a wobbly faith that everything else will fit into place. I believe that education is what can help us recover from mental illness.Image

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6 thoughts on “Back to Borderline Personality Disorder

  1. brokenbutbeingrepaired

    It’s good to see that you’re feeling positive (well, as positive as poss) about working with BPD.
    Dissociative issues do happen with many people, without them necessarily being ‘disorders’ in their own right.
    Am sorry if it seems like I/we have gone on about DD’s…

    Oh, and like you, have found blogging to be really helpful in making links with others out there. It’s so good to be able to connect with others, which is something I, as a whole have failed with on the outside world.

    Sorry if I’ve written too much.

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    1. Cat Post author

      You can never write too much. I have been very grateful for all the feedback on DD’s. I tend to agree that not all Dissociation means a disorder. Sharing and reading other people’s comments are what sees me through this, so please don’t stop writing!

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  2. Ellen

    My take is the different disorders overlap, and everybody’s different. I have borderline characteristics, but no diagnosis for that. I tend to have chaotic relationships, if they’re close ones. I have trouble holding trust when things go wrong – I just want to discard the person from my life altogether. Whatever diagnosis we have, it’s just a pointer of things that may be working badly for us – it’s not the definition of who we are. So your borderline will be specific to you and no one else. IMO. Take care

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    1. Cat Post author

      Just as I was considering what my next post might be – that Borderline is different for each individual – your comment came through and it confirms exactly what I am thinking. Thank you, Ellen. I agree, it is so important to remember our diagnosis is not a definition of who we are.

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