If I Reaveal to You….

ImageUsually there is a general plan of what I want to write about on this blog.  I’m not entirely sure where we are going other than trying to make sense of the mush in this muddled head.  There is a foggy awareness of something that is gradually coming into consciousness.  It feels therapeutic, even enlightening…. If only I can find some clarity….

You could say I am a novice when it comes to the internet – Prior to starting a blog in June,Image Depression Forums were on the agenda for no more than a year.  Facebook is a no-go.  There is a vague awareness of Twitter and Pinning (whatever that is) is completely new.

Only patience will learn the process of blogging.  It takes time to identify individual bloggers by their avatars or a Blog title.  What intrigues and inspires me the most is the courage and complete honesty from everyone on WordPress.

The beauty of anonymity reveals our deepest secrets.  We share personal and often traumatic experiences without fully realising what our words might mean to the journey of other bloggers.  Over the weekend, I read some harrowing stories of child abuse, which made some of my own sound like fairy tales.

If you spend time visiting blogs, many stories can act as triggers, while the affinity amongst fellow- bloggers provide support, encouragement and inspiration.

In my humble opinion, our interaction through Forums and Blogs is similar to group Imagetherapy.  We listen, identify, learn, and support one another through some of the worst times in our lives.  If someone’s story triggers our own issues, then surely that exposure is a good thing.  It might not be right for us to challenge our own issue at that particular moment, but I believe it can ultimately bring most of us one-step closer to true healing.

I have this image in my head.  I get these a lot whenever there is difficulty expressing how I feel.  It is of a high-speed train hurtling down the track in my direction.  I’m standing on the edge of the platform, my toes dangling off the edge.

ImageIf I reveal to you the feelings I have harboured from childhood through to early teens, it will be as good as jumping onto the track.  The train will obliterate my entire life and maybe take me to a place I have never been before.  Image

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14 thoughts on “If I Reaveal to You….

  1. Erik Andrulis

    “If I reveal to you the feelings I have harboured from childhood through to early teens, it will be as good as jumping onto the track. The train will obliterate my entire life and maybe take me to a place I have never been before. ”

    Go for it. Go there. It’s that jump that makes all the difference. Everything you’re reveal — reveal it. It’s everything that everyone hides. You ain’t alone. Peace, Ik

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    1. dharmagoddess

      I really appreciated Erik’s response above. The thing is that somewhere along the line, we’ve been conditioned to think that 1) our stories are so bizarre and frightening that, if shared, nobody will want to associate with us and 2) because we might think our stories are bizarre and/or frightening, then we might think WE are bizarre and frightening too.

      We’re not. We’re all shades of what idealists like to call “normal”. The reason is that there is no such thing as normal by virtue of the fact that we are human. The dynamics of being human are so complex and so varied that buying into society’s concept of normality – which concept is actually quite weird if you think about it – we condemn ourselves to a lifetime of hiding our true selves if we’re not aware and careful.

      So OK, there are extremes to my simple theory and those are outside of the scope of my point. The problem is that we are told from a very early age to not air our dirty laundry and it creates dysfunctions and illusions beyond that which we are developmentally equipped to deal with. Thus, we carry the crap forward and pretend. Over time, however, we recognize there are some things that have to be dealt with but the whole societal conditioning toward silence, as you’ve pointed out here and elsewhere, has such an unbelievable chilling effect upon our abilities to express ourselves freely. On its face, the conditioning to deny our human nature to express ourselves, is pretty dysfunctional.

      Conclusion: this is your blog. It is for you and only you. The community is the community and while some might choose to not read your content for one reason or another, it is not personal. Whatever their rationale is – if they’re beyond the neanderthal stage and can analyze it – is based solely on their views of THEMSELVES. Not you. The people who love you will continue to love you, and the people who don’t aren’t worth a damn.

      Stepping off of my soapbox :), I remain,

      Very truly yours,

      Dharma

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  2. brokenbutbeingrepaired

    “and maybe take me to a place I’ve never been before”.

    Well from what I know of you, you’ve been to some pretty dark places. Maybe the next stop for the train will be light, safe and full of hope?
    Will sit beside you on the journey if it helps.

    ({ })

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  3. Aife

    “The beauty of anonymity reveals our deepest secrets. We share personal and often traumatic experiences without fully realising what our words might mean to the journey of other bloggers.”

    A wise observation. I know I have shared things on my blog that I have never spoken out loud to another living soul. I can write about them because I can distance myself and tell it as if I am narrating someone else’s story. It feels safer to me that way. I also know that reading other blogs helps me, their insight and prospective often times helps me to see my own traumas with new eyes.

    And you are right one of the best things about blogging is we are never alone. Keep writing, we are reading.

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    1. Cat Post author

      Thanks Aife. Writing can often feel like dissociation. It is the courage of other bloggers that fuel my own determination to get everything out in the open and seek healing…

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  4. RisingSong

    I too am new to this (started in January). I have no Facebook, Twitter, and I don’t know what any of the other stuff is. Until someone suggested that I start a blog, I had no concept of what this world was like. Upon starting my blog, I discovered the most liberating tool imaginable. Suddenly, I could “say anything”. I could scream, I could cry, I could shout out everything that could never be spoken. I was no longer silent, and I have never felt so powerful. Suddenly, the girl who had been silent…about everything…had a voice.

    I cannot put into words the amount of healing that writing has offered me. I did not know that I had so much to say, and I feel like I will never stop telling. Yes, it is life changing, but incredibly liberating.

    I wish this for you.

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    1. Cat Post author

      I couldn’t agree more with what you write. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I am also enjoying your blog

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  5. findingmyinnercourage

    I started blogging in March and it has helped me more than any medical procedures or medications. I find so much comfort in Blogging!

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  6. Jane

    I started blogging honestly about myself after reading blogs of people in similar situations to mine, and I felt if they could do it, then so could I. I sometimes worry about people reading it and ‘triggering’ and ‘upsetting’ people because, well, I can get pretty self destructive and mental sometimes and don’t tend to hide it or sugar coat it.

    Anonymity kind of became a joke for me in the end, because I had a bit of a breakdown in April/ May and started using my own name for some weird reason… I don’t know if that was a good idea, probably not, but then it hasn’t really affected my content. Kind of regret it, but then too lazy to go back and do a mass edit.

    I’ve found blogging very therapeutic and I have met a lot of people through it. I know meeting other people (even if it is online and anonymously/ semi-anonymously) has helped me hugely. Sometimes it makes me feel a lot less alone, occasionally it gives me a much needed kick up the arse. To be honest I don’t know where I’d be without that support, and I do sometimes need an outlet (though I feel a little guilty for being so angry/ ragey/ ranty lately!) There are things I can’t write about, because I have tried and found it too painful, but I suppose that happens with time…

    This is my own experience of blogging, it’s had it’s ups and downs yes. I’ve had a strange relationship with wordpress/ blogging over the last couple of years, but I don’t think I’ll stop writing any time soon.

    I have been reading your blog, in a more lurky kind of way, not great at commenting these days, but you write very well, and I’m glad you’ve found blogging! 🙂

    Love the last paragraph 🙂

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    1. Cat

      Hi Jane, thank you for taking the time to write such a lovely comment. Our blogging experience sounds very similar – sometimes I wonder what I did without it. I was stuck in so many different places. Blogging seems to have unblocked that process and I am moving forward more than I have ever done.

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