Pulling it together

I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone for offering such kind words (and likes) of comfort and support.  Those comments are what helped me through the initial stages of utter grief and disbelief.  This week has been busy, which is helping to process the situation gradually.  Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to keep up with blogs, but I know everyone will understand.

It’s almost been a week since my little Oscar passed away.  I suppose I’m lucky to reach fifty without experiencing any kind of significant loss through death.  Nothing could have prepared me for the rollercoaster ride of emotions.  Just as I am starting to get it together, something else sets me off.  I suppose there is a general process, but it’s completely alien to me. 

I actively maintain my isolation.  Loneliness is not something I’m familiar with.  However, processing my recent loss alone means the aloneness feels very potent.  This is why everyone’s support in the blogging community has meant more than you could ever know.

It’s the last writing class tomorrow.  Our final project is to write approximately 1,000 words, focussing on a part of recovery from mental illness.  We get the chance to share it at the end and then put it forward for the next publication of their Recovery book.  However, recent events have completely thrown me off course.

As my last post about Oscar also incorporates recovery, I decided to use it as the final class project.  I did a huge editing job on the original post and then simply did a copy & paste job.  I’m not sure if my emotions will hold out long enough to read it aloud tomorrow.  It would mean a lot to me, so I will try.

Tonight, I’m exhausted.  I’ve had a decorator here for three days.  My living room looks great; new paper and complete paint job.  I seem to be processing my sadness through deep cleaning.  I feel it might be easier on Missy if she didn’t smell Oscar everywhere.  It feels like a productive way of moving on.