Just a shadow

ImageI haven’t been online for a few days.  Since losing my cat, Oscar, in November and then his sister, Missy, 3 weeks ago, it has made me take stock of the last 16 years.  They both lived through the worst years of my depression and it’s difficult not to feel a shadow of my former self.

Thankfully, this is not all doom and gloom.  Recognising that former self is also an acknowledgement of the person I strive to become through the therapy that I started a few weeks ago.

I’m still following blogs, but have found it difficult to share anything constructive.

Tonight, it is difficult to find the words to express how I feel and what those hopes are for the future.  I just wanted to let people know that I am okay and that my blog is still one of progress.  I hope that I will soon be back on top once more. 

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43 thoughts on “Just a shadow

  1. shoe1000

    It is interesting that our writings for today are very similar. I am here and I hear you dear friend.
    Glad I saw that beautiful blue symbol in my reader today!!!

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  2. panikikubik

    Hi Cat, thank you for telling us that you’re ok. Sometimes it’s hard to find the “right” words and sometimes maybe you actually have them but don’t feel comfortable or self secure to believe that they are worth something. All words matters. And take your time to heal. Of course ypu must be very sad for losing such close friends as your cats – especially when they weree there with ypu during the hard times. It’s natural that it’s lonely and that the past is appearing. But you can do this!

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  3. Mandy

    I’m so glad you took a moment to check in, Cat. It’s funny. I lay awake half the night and thought about how important the blogging community has become to me. You are important here, and knowing you’re going through a rough patch–well, it’s good to know that you’re focusing on reflection and self-care. It takes time to heal. My thoughts are with you.

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    1. Cat Post author

      Awe, thank you, Mandy. Things are difficult at the moment but it means so much to communicate with the blogging community. Your support means a great deal

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  4. Gel

    It’s really considerate of you to let us know.
    I also believe that grieving the losses of your beloved friends can go in waves over a long time.
    I’m still experiencing that over my chickens.

    A lot of good healing and changes can happen in the wordless realms. It’s good to know you are OK. And I look forward to when you do write again.
    xxoo

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      1. Finallyspeakingmytruth

        no, thank you for all of your support. I’m still struggling with my own spiral, but I’m taking a moment to try to break it. I just wrote something and included your name in it. please read it and know that I am thanking you from the bottom of my heart for your support.

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    1. Cat Post author

      Thank you, Rl… I just feel a bit in limbo-land….maybe suffocating in my own MH. I know it will pass….just need to sit it out….

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  5. Susan Irene Fox

    Glad you check in, Cat. Sometimes we just need some “down” time with our own thoughts. It’s important that you checked in. A journey is always progressive with peaks, valleys and plains. Like the photo and your 4-legged friend. Looks like he’s keeping close watch. Be comforted.

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    1. Cat Post author

      Yes, Susan, little Jack is definitely my shadow, even in the toilet!!
      Thank you for taking the time to comment, always appreciated

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  6. mm172001

    That’s okay. Glad to hear your okay and making progress. Sometimes just seeing someone read is a contribution. You don’t need wise words or any words sometimes, just eyes to read and a head to nod. Still thinking of you and your lost ones.

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  7. RisingSong

    Thank you for this post, Cat. I can relate. I too have been writing a little less and seemingly absent from other’s blogs. I have come to understand that we sometimes need to stop and process where we are in our journey…and sometimes it takes all the emotional energy we have just to be in that part of our journey.

    I too have found myself “speechless” after reading someone’s blog…emotionally “shut down” or simply lacking the energy to “say something”. I understand that sometimes it’s all we can do just to carry ourselves…and to know that you’re listening is incredibly touching.

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    1. Cat Post author

      It kind of feels as if I’m saturated in my own depression, which seems to dull my entire thought process. Perhaps it is more about resting a while, who knows….. thankfully, I do have faith that it will eventually pass. At least I’m still going through the motions of life and not withdrawing like I normally would.

      Thank you for taking the time to comment, especially when things are so difficult in your own life.

      Hey, we’ll get through it….onwards and upwards!!

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  8. Bradley

    Thank you for popping in and letting us know you’re there, Cat. I’m sorry for your loss and the difficult time you’re going through.

    Take a break if you need one and allow yourself to grieve for your Cats and your former way of life, but please come back. Your writing is such a gift.

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  9. Priceless Joy

    Thank you Cat for stopping in and letting us know. It is difficult to have to let go to our beloved friends and pets. I am facing this same situation in the near future and with much dread and grieving. Hope you are doing very well soon!

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    1. Cat Post author

      Thank you, Joy. I’ve never had to face any kind of bereavement as an adult. I feel this has made the entire situation a little more difficult to deal with, certainly more frightening…..where does it all go…when does it end…..It never takes much to trigger an episode of depression. Now, that is something I AM experienced in, so tend to simply sit it out.
      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, it makes a difference

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  10. Finding Hope's Sunshine

    Sorry for your loss. You are a heartfelt writer. I know that our heart gets so overfilled with sorrows and stresses that it almost freezes. Listen to the new Disney song from the movie Frozen and “Let it Go” (name of song). And then let go some of the lesser hurts so that you can hold onto and caress the ones that are dear to your heart. So many people care about you. Hold onto that. Meghan

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  11. fotosandi1

    I’m sorry for your loss Cat i pray that you find comfort during this difficult time. It’s ok to cry and also take some time off we understand. Take care of yourself and try hard not to stress.

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