It is fair to say that the posts I write are often of a grim nature. I try to minimise the word count to around 500, which means readers only get the opportunity to know a side that probably portrays a rather depressing character, but nothing could be further from the truth… on my good days, anyway.
From the age of eighteen until my first breakdown in 2000, I regularly worked as a part-time Barman in small local pubs, which felt more like an ego trip, as the largely male customer groups are looking for outgoing and witty interaction, I was always happy to oblige. I liken bar work to stepping on stage, a perfect opportunity to exert the persona I worked hard to portray and heaven forbid anyone would catch a glimpse of what lay beneath the joviality.
I do love to be friendly, but if the face is on the floor, it’s hard to crack a smile. Sometimes, living with depression seldom gives us much to laugh about, but I’ve always tried to find humour in myself, an episode happened this morning at the ungodly hour of 3am.
As I slowly wake from a deep sleep, I am lying on the left side and wonder why my hip feels so cold. A quick investigation uncovers that shorts and sheets are not cold, they are actually mysteriously wet, ‘Wet? I think, ‘Wet?… Shit… Wet, I’ve pissed the bloody bed’.
I am out of bed like a ninja, but Jack sleeps beside me, and he’s not too pleased. The light goes on and sure enough, there it is, that tell-tale patch we were all familiar with in childhood. My brain cannot quite commute, ‘Is this really pee… really?’ only the dreaded sniff test would tell… ‘yup, it sure is pee!’
“Shit shit shit,” I’m shouting, as though Jack understands, “Quick, quick, off the bed… It’s about to seep through onto the new mattress.” I grab hold of the bottom sheet with both hands, “OFF” I shout again, but he’s not a morning-doggy and looks at me as though I’ve just grown horns.
The little fellow barely has time to think. I barely have time to think as I whip those sheets off, like a magician doing one of those table cover tricks, the one where he whips the cover off and the crockery stays put, unfortunately, staying put is not Jack’s demise as he launches through the air, summersaulting like an acrobat.
It was not until this morning, at a godlier hour, I realise the very sad significance of my adult bed-wetting. The last time I periodically wet the bed was from the ages of 5 to 9 years old, when the trauma was at its worst. Here I am, visiting it all over again in therapy and now I pee the bed. They say therapy unlocks things in our unconscious.
Let us hope Cat holds tight tonight. The bedding is washed and there’s a triple mattress protector just in case. I might even wrap a towel round me like a giant nappy! Anything, but one of those geriatric rubber sheets that makes you feel like you’re sleeping on a giant condom.
I’m sorry that happened, I’d not even thought of adult bed wetting, it must be quite traumatic with the thoughts associated not only from childhood but seemingly stemming from your therapy now. It was very brave of you to share this, and in such a humourous way, be interesting to see what you therapist thinks of this.
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It’s odd how bed wetting was furthest from my mind, it’s not even a traumatic memory, not in the least, but strange it is reminiscent of those times.
Thank you for commenting 😉
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Oh no! I wish I could say I can’t relate, but I can 😛 I once worked on a project for 28 hours straight after a long week. After going to bed that night, I thought I had gotten up to go to the bathroom, but my body didn’t get the message…until I felt something a little too warm wake me up.
It makes sense that revisiting a trauma would have that affect. It’s interesting how the subconscious mind works. I think it’s really badass of you to do that. To deal with the trauma again, and talk about it openly.
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I am so glad it’s not just me 😉 It is so intriguing how the subconscious works.
It helps to write it out and even better when people take the time to read and comment, thank you 😉
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The very same thing happened to me when we dug up my repressed memories of sexual abuse from when I was 7-9, it only happened last year I was horrified! It only happened the once, I came close a second time shortly after but was hyper vigilant to avoid it again as I had just got new 1000 thread count sheets! Haha, so I wouldn’t worry too much unless it persists 🙂
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You know, I did kinda hope someone might say they had a similar experience. It makes sense this might happen when we’re processing the memory.
Thanks for commenting, I hope those 1000 threads stay safe!
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Oh I was so thankful for your honesty, reading that this has happened to someone else made me feel like less of a loon lol the mind is such a curious thing and very odd things can happen when you ruffle up old memories, but it’s the only way we will ever be free of the power this shit holds over us. Keep going lovely, it’s weird and hard but so worth it xo
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Weird and hard sum it up very well. It helps to have people around us who are going through a similar journey. Thanks for your feedback 😉
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That is funny and strange that you are revisiting the childhood trauma during a time you were experiencing bed wetting and it is still there even as an adult. Obviously the result of the trauma. You could always get the adult diapers. But I don’t think you will need them. More than likely it just was a one time thing from the emotional bonds to that childhood. But if not, I would suggest that rather than rubber sheets. I hope it didn’t ruin your mattress. You ARE brave to talk about this here but you know what, we have to be able to laugh at ourselves. If we don’t think we are funny who else will? 😀 😀 (Haha! That was funny). Another thing, since you are VERY obviously visiting this particular trauma I hope that once and for all you can resolve that trauma to your satisfaction. (Which I feel sure you will!) It’s sad not talking to you as much anymore.
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Yes, funny, strange and a little emotional all at the same time ;-). I’ll give the adult diapers a miss. I’m trying not to make an issue in my brain otherwise sods law will see me wet the flaming bad again 😛 It didn’t even seep through onto the mattress, luckily there was a brand new extra thick protector… my subconscious must have been telling me I’d pee the bed soon.
Am I not talking so much? lol I didn’t notice. The blogging 101 course starts tomorrow, but I’m not sure if I can keep up with daily assignments. I might just do the ones I want (one a week, or something!)
Thank you, Joy, you always help me laugh 🙂
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Oh you are taking Blogging 101? Good for you. You’ll learn a lot and then a month later (if you’re like me) forget it. Haha! Not really, you’ll learn a lot and meet a lot of wonderful people. Don’t forget about me ok??
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I’m not going anywhere, I need to tie the course into my blog posts, so nothing will change apart from maybe a couple of posh technical gibberish 😉
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I took the class twice and still could take it again and learn something new. It’s hard for me to retain information sometimes.
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I am the same with retaining info 😉
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I’m sorry you have that same problem but I’m happy to know I’m not the only one. LOL! I just went on Google trying to find out how to add tags for you and I couldn’t get to the place I have gone to several times before to ask questions. WordPress has made a lot of changes. So I wasn’t able to find the answer.
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Awe, thanks Joy, I have now received their email, so hopefully it will explain because that is part of the first assignment. It’s now 5pm and I haven’t even looked at 101 yet. Been catching up with comments and blogs and there are lots more blogs to see… this is what I mean about doing the course. You’re a gem for trying to find me the info 😉
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That has happened to me as an adult too. Very strange, and disconcerting. Perhaps bring it up in individual therapy for insight. They do sell waterproof mattress pads. Hope you have a good night’s sleep and don’t stress too much about something beyond your control.
Fondly,
Elizabeth
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Hi Elizabeth, I am so pleased so many people have experienced similar. It seems many people do the same while going through childhood trauma in therapy…intriguing.
Thank you for your comment, always appreciated 🙂
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This has happened to me. More than once. Either because of difficult trauma processing in a session, or because of an awful nightmare. You are not alone x
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It is a relief to know others experience similar. I imagine it was the processing in therapy. Thank you for your feedback
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not sure all of what else is going on with you currently…but about 8 years ago the combo of meds i was on ended up making me sleep really deeply, and for several months i woke in the middle of the night, changing sheets and having a quick shower. i never knew for sure which med was the problem, but i always suspected it was the xanax.
anyway, maybe that is some/all of the problem?
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I did consider the meds, but I think it might be down to the stuff I’m going through in therapy.
Thank you, Kat
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Cat, this is a topic that you’ll be surprised many relate to. I hope it takes away any embarrassment! My first really vivid memories of bed-wetting started at age 8, after the first “real” molestation (I never counted all the inappropriate grooming before that), but I had to strip my bed day after day . . . now every now and then I have dreams of bed-wetting, so I’m just waiting! But I figure if it happens it means I’m in an extremely deep, memory processing REM sleep. Poor Jack, lol! He may sleep with one eye open from now on!
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I was surprised just how many people do relate to peeing the bed, Mandy. It seems quite common while going through this sort of stuff in therapy. Let us just hope your dreams of wetting stay only in your dreams 😉
How are you feeling today? You said you were a little under the weather
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I hope so, too, Cat! I’m still feeling rocky–a little better than yesterday. I have little patience with flu. Thanks for asking. 🙂
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This happened to us a lot when we first started delving into trauma. You are not alone.
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I am so glad to hear this from so many different people. Thankfully it didn’t happen again last night and hope it doesn’t in the future. Thanks for commenting
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It is ok, you are dealing with some difficult stuff so try not to worry about this too much. Hugs x
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Yes, it seems quite common while in therapy. Thank you for your words of support, they mean a great deal 😉
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I love the way you told this story…it did make me laugh! But also, I want to give you a big hug. 🙂
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I’m pleased you laughed and thank you so much for the hug, here’s a big one back((( 😉 )))
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I’m so glad you have a sense of humor about this. I don’t think I could. The sessions with your therapist must be getting to the very real things that are bothering you. I would think that this is a good thing — that is if you can get to the point where you can let go of them once you’ve come to terms with them.
Keep on truckin’ Cat. 🙂
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Yes, I think we are getting down to the nitty gritty, but I do hope this was an isolated incident. There’s three mattress protectors just in case….
Thanks for your support, Glynis
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Hehe! You told that story so well. Your writing just gets better and better.
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Thank you, Robyn, complimented accepted! 😉
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How fantastic that so many people have come out the woodwork and confessed to such mishaps. It takes a brave person to be so vulnerable and with the fear of ridicule lurking in the shadows too. It is only 3 days a go that a friend confessed to having the very same thing happen to her when she was eighteen. And then I find your blog this morning. It is so liberating to be honest and share our little sillies isn’t it? I was a chronic bed wetter up to the age of thirteen and my youngster struggles too. But I learnt from my parents’ mistakes as I was mistakenly punished. I do not make a fuss at all and I try to make her feel as self confident as possible. These things happen don’t they? We are all so human and very alike behind the eyes and deep down.
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Yes, I was also struck by how many people experience this very same thing. Thankfully (so far) my episode was an isolated incident. Thanks for commenting, Sharon
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I’m sad to say that happens to us regularly. Its not pleasant. And I always hate when it happens. I’m glad you were able to sort it quickly and pretty easily but I’m sorry you had to go through it at all. Safe hugs xoxo
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I am sorry you experience this. Thankfully, that is jut=st an isolated incident, so far!
Thanks Carol Anne
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Welcome always happy to support where I can xx
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