Worried about…

For the first time in my living memory, today I could not help but feel my isolation. I built this castle and moat with my bare hands, but when there is a bit of a health scare unfolding, people tend to need family and friends around them. All of a sudden, it feels as though I am very much alone.

When I wrote the other day about my scheduled colonoscopy this week and the possible health concern(s), it’s fair to say I was fairly upbeat and unconcerned, but this week things are taking on a slightly different shape.

When I realised the weight was dropping, I immediately put it down to a reduction of Quetiapine. In retrospect, that theory is rather ridiculous because the reduction of medication was a miniscule amount. I stopped the reduction four weeks ago, but it had no impact on the weight loss.

If you’ve ever been overweight, which I was by just over 50lbs, you will understand how great it is to watch the numbers on your digital scales reduce by 2lbs every week, with absolutely no effort on your part. Perhaps you would be worried, but for some odd reason, I didn’t seem to grasp the extent of the calculations.

The Doc explained yesterday that 1-2lbs is actually a healthy weight loss, but only if you’re working hard to achieve it with an exercise regime and diet plan. I’m afraid my slow strolls through the park with a walking stick, nightly ice cream, large chocolate egg, or that box of chocolates over Easter, is not their idea of rigorous exercise or a strict diet.

I suddenly realised yesterday that, of course, there is something not quite right. It’s impossible not to allow the scenarios to play out in my mind. I’m not so much worried about myself, only about my little Jack Russell… go figure! I don’t mean I’m expecting to kick the bucket (die), but any hospital stay would be disastrous for him.

The one good thing about Thursday’s colonoscopy is that they tell me the results afterwards. Nevertheless, no matter what way I look at this, there are a number of hospital visits ahead, as we try to discover the reasons behind the mysterious weight loss.

I’m only beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel in relation to my mental health, but it seems I have something physical to contend with during the next few weeks or months. I am not too good at dealing with the unknown.

Tomorrow is the day that fills me with dread. I cannot eat or drink anything other than water after breakfast. Between 4.30 and 6pm, I need to take the first rocket powered laxative sachet and apparently I’ll erupt out my rear end like there is no tomorrow. That should be fun.

Please accept my apologies for not being on top of my usual blogs. I hope I’ll get the chance tomorrow to catch up, in between therapy and trotting back and forth to the loo. Fingers and toes crossed

Advertisements

74 thoughts on “Worried about…

  1. edwinasepisodes

    I understand how you must be apprehensive about the colonoscopy on Thursday Catm but like you say, you need to know the reason for the weight loss. At least you will find out what is wrong and then you can deal with whatever needs to be done. I know it is not much of a comfort but I am thinking about you, and I send you all the best!

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Hey Edwina…. I am more apprehensive about taking the powerful laxative, which I took just half an hour ago… hope the cramps aren’t too bad. I’m quite sure the weight loss is down to something less serious, but it’s just a pain having to face more appointment just to find out. Thank you for your kind thoughts 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
        1. Cat Post author

          Lol I’m still waiting on it happening, it’s a bit like waiting for a bus…. I guess it will all come at once 🙂 Nearly three hours since the magical potion. There are a couple of little grumbles and a headache, but that’s about it…so far 🙄

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
            1. Cat Post author

              Slow to erupt? It took me 11 long miserable hours and even then it was a disappointment!! I was very ill and sachet number 2 (excuse the pun) was to be taken at 6am, but I threw the lot up by 6.05am. Apparently, some people don’t respond too well, trust me. Anyway, I was knocked out for the procedure, but kinda feel as if I’ve been run over by a bus. Thanks for your support 🙂

              Like

  2. Priceless Joy

    This made me laugh! “I’m afraid my slow strolls through the park with a walking stick, nightly ice cream, large chocolate egg, or that box of chocolates over Easter, is not their idea of rigorous exercise or a strict diet.” Also when you said, “the rocket powered laxative.” Hahaha! At least you have good humor over it. I feel bad for you what you have to go through tomorrow. Do you have plent of T.P. (Might want to get the kind with lotion in it since you will be using it so much. Haha) Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. LOL Please let me know as soon as you find out about your colonoscopy! I’m sitting on the edge of my seat.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      🙂 I’ve got to laugh at things, including myself! My diet is very naughty, especially around holiday times when there are lots of lovely chocolate things enticing my weaknesses. Lol I bought nice soft wet wipes and have already prepared with a handful of Vaseline up there. Yes, I’m also sitting on the edge of my seat right now, having just swallowed the magic dragon potion 🙂 Thank you, Joy

      Like

      Reply
  3. Priceless Joy

    Cat, I just thought of something that might ease your mind. You might want to consider calling your local Humane Society and tell them your situation and ask if they have anyone that will take him for a few days or so should you have to be admitted to the hospital. Just knowing that this might be possible will ease your mind.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Well, I’ve taken note of numbers and I have a couple of neighbours I can contact in an emergency. I’m sure it won’t come to that…gulp 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. Tracesofthesoul

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I do know what it’s like to be overweight and I did have a colonoscopy when I turned 50. I tell everyone …it’s not the test that is annoying and painful but the preparation at home before. But at least you are at home and you can moan, read a book between episodes and moan some more. I can’t tell you no to worry cos you know you best but it was refreshing (poor choice of imagery) to get this test done so I can put that worry aside once it’s over. My step dad often had polops (not sure if that is correct spelling) and that is not serious but can cause discomfort.
    btw, I love how you write and you made me chuckle imagining you strolling through the park. Sending you healing hugs. You have oodles of caring people here who are thinking about you this week. Blessings, Cheryl-Lynn

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Hi Cheryl-Lynn… When all said and done, I am actually quite pleased to get the colonoscopy because there are sure to be polyps. Very few polyps are cancerous but I heard that most cancer of the colon starts with a polyp. Not sure if that’s true, but it’s worth a safety check. My GP said that very soon everyone in the UK over 55 will be offered the procedure.
      I’ve just swallowed the laxative and loads of water, but I’m starving! The only thing that worries me are the bowel cramps, I can cope with the rest.
      Thank you for your kind compliment and support, much appreciated 🙂

      Like

      Reply
      1. Tracesofthesoul

        If it is any consolation my step father went twice and always benign polyps. In Ontario and Quebec we get a letter at 50 to get it done. Not eating is a pain…keep telling yourself this prep is worse than the examination. Sending you hugs from Canada:)

        Like

        Reply
        1. Cat Post author

          The laxative prep was a nightmare because I reacted badly to it and didn’t go to the loo for 11hrs. The second sachet of laxative at 6am stayed down for 5mins. No more laxatives for me! Thanks Cheryl-lynn

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
  5. manyofus1980

    sending my support. I know how hard it is having health scares. I had one a few years ago. I’m over it now, but at the time it was so worrying. I’d just gotten Nitro too at the time. I hope you’ll be ok, praying for you…hugs

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Thank you, Carol Anne, I am so glad things worked out for you and Nitro, of course. I am quite sure it will go okay, fingers crossed

      Like

      Reply
  6. kat

    ah yes, just when one thing clears up a bit, another thing hits you sideways. such fun–NOT! take care of yourself, try to only worry about things you can change, and once you’ve done that, try not to worry anymore (way easier said than done). My thoughts and support are with you.

    Like

    Reply
  7. therabbitholez

    You’ve a lot to think about over the next day or it’s only natural that you will feel anxious, though not alone were here in a virtual sense:).
    At least you will have the results on the day, so you’ll know what’s happening and treatment will begin soon if needed.

    As above the humane society or kennels (expensive) for your dog, these are your best solutions, if you do have hospital appointments.

    Also have you got someone to take you home on Thursday?

    My thoughts are with you:)

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Thank you, I am soaking up the ‘virtual support’, it does make all the difference. I have a feeling the test will go okay, but then the question would be why the weight loss. It would be great to discover that I was right at the start – that it has something to do with the Med reduction. It’s a bit of a coincidence that the weight started to drop as soon as I started reducing. Well, guessing won’t get me anywhere, so this time tomorrow, hopefully I’ll know more.

      I do know a lot of neighbours, so I could call back a few favours with the dog. I’ve also noted numbers of animal places on my mobile. My neighbour is taking me there in the morning and collecting in the afternoon, so no worries there. Thanks for your kind thoughts 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  8. Ellen

    I’ll be thinking of you Thursday (tomorrow, not so much 🙂 ).

    This is probably not helpful, but I do know exactly what you mean on the isolation front, because I felt similar when I had to go for surgery. I really roped my ex back into my life, because I felt I had to have someone, and he really came through for me in that circumstance. It’s interesting – some people will rise to the occasion, others let you down entirely. But at that time, I really did long for close friends or family, and I didn’t have them either.

    Wishing you all the best. I think it’s the worry that’s the worst – I wish I’d worried less. If you can, try not to worry prematurely.

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Hi Ellen… yer, you don’t want to be thinking about me tonight as the magic potion is gurgling through the system as we speak! It does feel very isolating and lonely, but even if I did have family around me, I’d still feel lonely, as well as drained 🙂 I just hope everything goes fine and there’s no need to see who will rise to the occasion.

      I’m soaking up your advice about not to worry and it’s a bit late for changing my mind 🙂 Thanks, Ellen

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  9. coastal beach

    I went through something similar which actually kick started my weight loss efforts, so it was a good thing I thought. I too had a colonoscopy which was clean. Good luck, take care.

    Like

    Reply
  10. sensuousamberville

    The weight loss still could be from your withdrawing from your meds Cat, this amount and time frame is not unheard of. Drink lots of liquids tomorrow, are you allowed clear soup broths? After the procedure, you will have lots of gas. ugh. let it go right away.

    Cheer up, they are just sticking a pipe in you with laser beams, flame throwers, mirrors, flood lights and cameras that they twist all about… eeeeeps. 😉 … did I get a grin? oh oh.

    Deep breaths, they will take good care of you and it will be over before you know it. *hugs*

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Yes, you did get a chuckle. I think it might be a flame thrower coming out of my back end soon… I took the laxative almost 2hrs ago!!

      I’ve always said the loss was \due to the reduction, but I suppose it’s best to go with them and look upon it as a mid life service 🙂 Thank you, Amber, your thoughts are appreciated, even if they are a little cheeky 🙄

      Like

      Reply
        1. Cat Post author

          Lol well it’s 8pm here, so hardly a shopping hour. The toilet is currently on standby with a couple of pieces of light entertainment just in case I can’t get off the flaming loo. Thanks for the laugh 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
  11. Anxious Mom

    ((Hugs)) I know this must be nerve wracking. I hope things turn out all right! Maybe thyroid issues could cause the weight loss? (I only ask b/c my doc loaded me with info about thyroid stuff a couple months ago.)

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Thank you, AM, I have been thinking about thyroid. Early days, I guess, but what a way to start off their investigations :-0

      Like

      Reply
  12. Anonymous

    You’re almost to the finish line Cat and the procedure will be over. This is the best first step in figuring out what’s going on with you. The prep is the worst part so once you’re heading to hospital it all gets better. Make sure you get a ride there and home. The worry I’ve our pets is always the tough part! But my fingers are crossed that things go smoothly. Hugs and lots of good wishes coming your way, Cat!!!😊

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Thank you, I am almost there… just waiting on the prep working!! Yes, I do have someone to take escort me there and back. Thank you for your kind thoughts

      Like

      Reply
  13. cardamone5

    I know this is easier said than done, but please, try not to worry about the results until they are revealed. All worrying does is get you agitated, which is the very state you are coming out of. I am not trying to discount your intuition which is probably correct, but let the colonoscopy be the first step in discovery. Do you have other symptoms besides the weight loss? Also, something struck me as I was reading this (could be accurate or could be off the mark): your mental state is improving as worry over your physical body is increasing…could those two be related. In other words, could you be subconsciously looking for something else to attach your worry to?) This may offend you, and for that, I am sorry. Again, I am not a professional, and I only know you via the blog. Discount if completely wrong. I wish you the very best of luck both with the prep and with the test. Your little doggy will be okay because his daddy will be there for him.

    Fondly,
    Elizabeth

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Hi Elizabeth… My intuition has always told me that nothing is wrong and it’s all down to the reduction in meds, but it is more the concern of Doc’s that is getting my mind working, but I’m not thinking morbid thoughts. If there IS anything wrong, I don’t think it’s serious because I feel too well. I might be more inclined to wonder if it’s thyroid than anything more serious. Whatever the outcome, it’s more a pain knowing I need to think about attending further appointments to find out exactly what’s happening. Thank you 🙂

      Like

      Reply
  14. mandy smith

    Again, I don’t see my comment here to you, Cat, so i believe when I’m responding to comments on my phone they aren’t going anywhere. Grrr. Well, it was just full of words of encouragement for you and letting you know I’m with you in spirit. email if want! ((hugs)).

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Hi Mandy… it might not be your phone because I am also experiencing a couple of tech difficulties on my and other blogs over comments. I am not being notified if someone replies to one of my comments on another blog. Anyway, thank you, I know your kind and supportive thoughts are always with me. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  15. bbbr

    Hi Cat,

    Oh, sounds horrible.

    Hope it isn’t quite as awful to go through the tests as you fear and the results are assuring ones.

    *sits beside you holding your hand*

    Like

    Reply
  16. littlevoicetalks

    Lots of support from us here in the blogosphere. I know it’s not a physical hand to hold yours whilst you go for your appointment. But we are here, we do care and we want the very best outcome for you. Please take all the words of love and support with you.

    Behind these words are real faces, faces who genuinely have expressions, smiles and tears. And we will support you just like you supported us (me).

    Please keep us posted. All my positive energy, love and support sent to you via the blogwaves.

    xxx

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Thank you, that means a great deal to me. I’m quite sure it will go okay and there will be some other mysterious reason for weight loss. 🙂

      Like

      Reply
  17. Glynis Jolly

    Cat, I’m not trying to be insensitive. I can understand your worry. However, your 2nd to last paragraph here brought on all sorts of visions that got me chuckling. I keep on thinking about what you were saying in cartoon form. Can you imagine a cartoon where the rear end erupts?

    Cat, although you may be living in a house or apartment with no one else there physically, you are not really alone. Most of us who comment on your post are ready to receive email, are willing to send emails, and we think about you often, believe me. ❤

    Like

    Reply
    1. Cat Post author

      Hi Glynis, you’re not being insensitive, I do try to find a little humour in the strangest of places, but it doesn’t usually come out in posts. I was imagining a cartoon strip where the rear end erupts and I am holding onto the toilet for dear life 🙂 Unfortunately, that didn’t happen because I had a bad reaction to the laxative and was very ill. But, the procedure went ahead, thank god I was asleep because I would’ve been mortified at a dirty bowel 😳

      I thought twice about posting my concerns over this, but I am so glad I did because the support had been immense, thank you, Glynis

      Like

      Reply
  18. Shivangi

    Get well soon cat….whenever I have any health scare I think myself as a soul and try to detach myself from my body. I know it is difficult but it really helps me out and I remember the holy Gita. “Sri Krishna said: The soul is never born nor dies at any time. Soul has not come into being, does not come into being, and will not come into being. Soul is unborn, eternal, ever-existing and primeval. Soul is not slain when the body is slain.” Hope this thought leads you from travails to triumph over. Be well!

    Like

    Reply
  19. borderlinefunctional

    I hope that the tests all go ok and that you don’t feel too triggered by the invasiveness of it all! :/ I’ll be thinking of you and hoping you find an answer to the weight loss that isn’t too detrimental to your health overall! x

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Your feedback counts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s