The dreaded Colonoscopy

If anyone has undergone a colonoscopy, you will know the laxatives to prepare thethGX93IF01 colon are ass-splitting-powerful. Unfortunately, the magic potion also made me dreadfully ill and I didn’t go to the toilet for over ten hours, but I’ll spare you the gory details of that triumphant dawn chorus.

I was so nervous on arrival at hospital, the dissociation kicked in and I barely uttered a word to the nurses on the ward, which is unlike my usual chattiness. One of them said I looked very relaxed, but I was really trembling. It brought home how I can have this stoic appearance when in reality, there is a storm blowing underneath.

There was more than an emotional storm blowing underneath because those laxatives caused enough flatulence to power a wind turbine generator.

Everyone is familiar with the infamous hospital gowns and the humiliating opening down the back. My wicked sense of humour thinks it’s hilarious whenever someone thF34UVYWBdoesn’t realise and then parades up and down flashing their rear end.

While I waited on the hospital bed for the dreaded procedure, I had to get up several times for the loo. Fortunately, I didn’t need to worry if my gown happened to flap open at the back, the nurse had provided me with a pair of disposable shorts to spare my dignity, or so I thought.

What I hadn’t realised is that these shorts are specially designed for the colonoscopy procedure and they too have a cheeky split up the back. It seems the butt end of the joke was on me that morning.

Going to theatre was the worst moment. It felt like they were wheeling me along the corridor of death and my bum was already screaming in terror.

Once we arrived inside the small theatre, my eyes went in search for the colonoscopythJB9R2UE3 torture instrument. Why did I do that? I have seen thinner cables to power electric trains, but it was a bit too late to change my mind and I could only hope the anaesthetic would be enough.

The Anaesthetist looked a little surprised when the intravenous Midazolam appeared to have little effect, although I certainly found my chatter again. I said, “When you’re up there, Doctor, see if you can find my dignity.”

When they finally injected the Propofol, I was instantly disappointed not to feel the wonderful effects, “It doesn’t appear to be working,” I said.  That was the last thing I remember until I was back on the ward.

thT9OQZ6FEI am upbeat about the results, although I don’t yet know the full picture. If there were anything to cause weight loss, surely they would have seen something there and then. They did remove six polyps and some kind of procedural biopsy. I do have Diverticular disease, which is common in our western diet. The lab tests take up to eight weeks, but I’m sure they will respond sooner if there is anything untoward.

I really don’t know what to think about the weight loss. I stopped reducing the MH meds four weeks ago, so technically the weight should start to stabilise. If it continues to drop over this weekend, I can go back to the family Doctor, or otherwise wait for the results and take it from there. Altogether, I am not concerned. For now, I just need to get my therapy head back on.

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41 thoughts on “The dreaded Colonoscopy

  1. Ellen

    I was wondering how it went – thanks for posting. Seems quite positive, considering – I’d think being knocked out altogether might be a good thing, if you have anxiety. I remember those gowns. At out hospital, we get two, one back to front, the other the other way, which solves the whole backside problem.

    Great news altogether!

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    1. Cat Post author

      Hi Ellen. Yes, it seems to have gone well, but I just need to think about what IS causing the weight loss, which is still on 2lbs p week. It’s so distracting. I couldn’t attend therapy last week because the prep day fell on Paul’s session and the group was day after the procedure and my car insurance wouldn’t cover me to drive for 24hrs. It’s amazing just how quickly I get out of touch and the dissociative tendencies just love the distraction. Thanks for your support 🙂

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  2. edwinasepisodes

    That sounded pretty horrendous Cat, but I am glad you kept your sense of humour about it! I did have to laugh at the split shorts. Nice touch! I hope you can get yourself back on track for a while now and concentrate on your therapy 🙂

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    1. Cat Post author

      Well, it’s a bit difficult because I need to think about the weight loss. I’m not due back at the bum clinic for another eight weeks, but I’ll waste away before then 🙂 Not exactly, but it will be close to being underweight by then. I’m not overly concerned, only a little unsure how to proceed. Thanks, Edwina, you and your blog have helped me sail through 🙂

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      1. edwinasepisodes

        I do feel for you. Although I would love nothing more than to lose weight, I appreciate how horrible it is for you to be losing it so quickly. Hopefully you will be able to get things under control . I am glad that my blog has given you a brief respite with a laugh or two, It works both ways though as you make me laugh with your comments. I always enjoy hearing from you 🙂

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        1. Cat Post author

          The worst thing is, it’s far from horrible, I love it. I was only overweight the last 3yrs and will soon be back to my original 11st, lovely… we’ll see, I won’t get my boxers in a twist

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  3. manyofus1980

    Hi cat, so glad everything went well. And the results seem good. You have the most incredible sense of humour too. I had to laugh at parts of this post. XX Carol anne

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  4. Priceless Joy

    This is so funny!! I love the jokes and pictures in your post. LOL! Sounds like you had a very ‘lovely’ time during this little procedure escapade. Haha! I went this morning for my 2nd mammo because they found something in the first. I got the “all clear!” Yippee! Now we need to get the same diagnosis for you!

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    1. Cat Post author

      I loved the hamster cartoon, hilarious. I am so pleased your test went well, Joy, that’s good news. I have no concerns for the test diagnosis. If there was anything causing weight loss they would have seen it, I’m sure. Maybe time to look elsewhere. I’m pondering the options over the weekend. Thanks, Joy, glad I made you laugh

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      1. Priceless Joy

        Yes, that’s pretty cute – the hamster cartoon. Now that you have been put on an even dose of Seroquel maybe you weight loss will stop and you will even out with your weight. I hope that’s all it is.

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  5. Grainne

    Oh I’m SO glad that’s over for you! Great job getting through it all. 🙂 You have such a great sense of humour about things, even when they’re terrifying.

    Well done! I’m really pleased for you that the preliminary results are positive as well.

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    1. Cat Post author

      Thank god its all over, although I need to do it again in a years time. I also need an endoscopy, but at least there’s no prep beyond fasting and I mush prefer something going down that up 🙂 Thank you

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  6. hbhatnagar

    I’m glas you’re out of the ordeal with your sense of humor intact and your dignity undamaged as well. I hope the biopsy results are negative, which in doc speak is a good thing. 🙂

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    1. Cat Post author

      It sounds as if it went well. Polyps are so common and I doubt they would cause weight loss, even if one was malignant. It’s maybe time I ask the Doc to look at other possibilities. Trust Doctors, they always do the hard part first. Thanks for your support

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  7. cardamone5

    I am glad you posted. Sorry the beginning of the procedure was rough, but, overall, it sounds like it went well esp. the part about them removing the polyps. Although you are still waiting for the biopsy results, I think it will be okay so focus on recovery, your doggy and being happy.

    Love,
    Elizabeth

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    1. Cat Post author

      I am quite sure if weight loss was down to a potential bowel problem, they would’ve seen it there and then. Polyps, of course, aren’t great, but neither are they uncommon, so I am really not worried about the results. It’s distracting me from therapy, for sure, and I just need to decide what to do next. I’m still dropping 2lb per week, so there must be something going on. Thankfully, I feel too well for it to be something serious. I probably need to go back to the family Doc because I am not due another follow up appointment at the bowel clinic for eight weeks, but by then, I will have lost another 18lbs. I would be closing in on being underweight by that point. Thanks, Elizabeth

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  8. RisingSong

    I’m so glad you made it through his one! I am relieved for you. I got quite a chuckle from the cartoons on this one. You know, every time I dispense one of those 4 liter jugs, I always wonder why DO they call it Go lightly?? Thanks for the humor. Sometimes it’s the only way to get through something 🙂

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  9. mandy smith

    omg, Cat. You do this as a stand-up comedy routine and you’ll be famous. I am still laughing as I write this. It’s so much fun for me to stand on the outside and see what’s going on. When I’ve gone through the procedure myself I never felt the humor at all! And that cartoon of the hamster kills me 😀 So glad you’re through with that part, friend, now hope to get to the “bottom” of your weight loss!

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    1. Cat Post author

      Hi Mandy..I’m just so glad I wasn’t awake for the procedure, it’s a little draconian to do that to people. Oh yes, I just love the hamster cartoon and the worst thing is, it’s not unheard of. I’m not sure if the hamster survived, but it certainly went up there. I don’t feel concerned about the tests. I just need to think what to do about the weight loss. It’s so distracting from therapy and I didn’t see Paul or go to group last week. His session fell on prep day and I couldn’t drive to group after procedure. Anyway, I’ll give it all some thought over the weekend. Thank you, as always, for your support and I am glad I made you laugh

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  10. fromthedarkintothesunshine42

    I’m really glad for you it’s over cat…and I hope they find what’s causing the weight loss. .

    I must say though cat with lots of respect I find those gowns just so funny especially when patients don’t even notice they open and parade anxiously up and down. .ay..

    Take lots care and rest
    lis

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  11. Glynis Jolly

    This is just a thought of mine. You can toss it in the ocean, lake, river, whatever if you’re sure I’m wrong. Could the weight lose be from anxiety?

    Sorry that the preliminary stuff made you sick. ❤

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    1. Cat Post author

      I’m not too sure, Glynis, but I certainly wouldn’t rule it out. I have increased my diet significantly to see if it makes any difference and the best thing is, I can eat those lovely but very naughty things like chocolate and donuts, without having to worry about the pounds 🙂

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  12. cbecker53

    I have my lovely second colonoscopy of my life in July. NOT looking forward to it. The actual procedure itself is not “so” bad, if you can stop from thinking about what they’re actually doing “back there.” But the prep is *horrendous*. It IS hilarious that the goop you have to drink is called “golitely,” isn’t it? My husband calls it “Go heavily.” Yuck.

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    1. Cat Post author

      Oh dear, in July, poor you! Thankfully I have another year to go before I face another one. I wouldn’t mind the laxative if I did go “heavily”, but it only made me terribly ill and took 11hrs to take me to the toilet. Good luck with yours, it’s always better to be cautious

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