Category Archives: Uncategorized

Happy Anniversary

Three posts within four days are completely unheard of on this blog, but how can I let aanniversary-1x day like this pass me by… Notification from WP says my blog is two years old today… wow… *screams*… *bows & curtsies*… and what a journey it has been! I feel an Oscar’s speech coming on, I would love to indulge and say few words about my journey.

I remember that first bleak night, searching for something to help me out of the dark hole I had wallowed in for a number of years. I barely recognise the person I was back then. Childhood memories were jam packed with trauma and the experiences were too painful to share, which robbed me of the opportunity to heal or even think of therapy.

In the early blogging days, I read personal testimonies of child abuse that would make your hair stand on end and then rip your heart out, but from their courage, I found my own. One of the most life-changing moments came from an unexpected source, the validation.

For the first time in my life, I could see the past for what it was. Understanding my parent’s narcissism set me free from years of self-blame, shame and humiliation, and this became the first stepping-stone to recovery.

WP_20131026_005This blog has complimented therapy in more ways than I could write in a post. It helps me process those chaotic-brain episodes and pulls the hairy-moments into a healthier and balanced perspective. The friendships and insights that come so freely from fellow-bloggers are my pillars and often my guides to recovery.

And so, as the thunder claps and the lightning flashes in celebration over London, Jack and I thank you for changing our lives.

My New ‘This is Me’ page

th47TY6NUTToday’s assignment for the blogging 101 course is to create an ‘About Me’ page.  I ‘m afraid my page had been dormant for a long time.  It’s not that I don’t know what the focus of my blog is, but I’ve always found this introduction page a challenge to write.

My only concern, apart from it sounding boring, is that it might be too long.  I would value any feedback from my fellow-bloggers.  Oh and today I also learned how to imbed links into posts.  So, you can read my new ‘This is Me’ page here. Let me know what you think

The Abusive Therapeutic Relationship

The comments I received following my post “The absent Therapist” were amazing. IthEHG9H3MM hung onto every single word, as they helped process the disappointment of Paul’s absence, and then reach a nice philosophical conclusion – that the good of our relationship far outweighs the bad and I will be able to talk this through and take something positive from it.

Through the course of today, my views have changed a little, maybe quite radically, and right now, I feel that familiar self-destructive anger surging through my veins. Let me explain…

I was once in an abusive relationship. As anyone who has ever been in this position will testify, we think we love that person with all our heart and want the relationship to work so, so badly, we make allowances and excuses for unacceptable, often humiliating, behaviour. Following an abusive episode, you convince yourself, ‘I’ll forgive him. The next time it happens, you assure yourself again, ‘Och, maybe this will be the last time’ and so it continues, but there never is a “last time.” th (8)

I have been doing a lot of work in therapy in recent months and it feels as though I am consistently moving forward, on a roll. Even the therapeutic relationship with Paul is beginning to show early signs of trust and connection. However, whenever he cancels our sessions every 3-4 weeks, I screech to a rubber-burning halt. Each time he returns, we rekindle the relationship and I pacify myself by saying, ‘Och, maybe this will be the last time’… sound familiar?

Yes, perhaps I am overplaying the title a little, it’s not exactly an abusive relationship, I get that, but if I am giving my 100% to this programme, I need a Therapist who will return that commitment. I can be as understanding and sympathetic to Paul’s plight as I like, and I can make a thousand wishes that maybe ‘this will be the last time’, but I cannot allow this type of scenario to play out in my therapy.

As I’ve said a number of times on this blog, one of the most important aspects of therapy is the relationship between client & Therapist. The way we relate to our therapists is often how we relate to other people. As our relationship changes and grows with the Therapist, so do our relationships with the rest of the world. That is the general theory.

Maybe this is a pivotal moment playing out in the client-Therapist relationship. As IthBX1CQRL7 refuse to accept anything less from Paul, perhaps I will begin to expect more from my relationships with other abusive people in my life.