R.I.P. little Missy

ImageMy blog has been quite quiet lately.  I’ve been struggling to find the words to express how I have been feeling.  Those who follow my blog might remember I had to have one of my beloved cats, Oscar, put to sleep in November last year. 

Oscar and his sister, Missy, meant a great deal to me over 15 years while battling with mental illness.  At times, they were the only contact I had with another living being; often the only reason I got out of bed.

Throughout the course of this past year, my life and mental health have been improving.  I believe they came to me for a reason.  Now that purpose is fulfilled, I need to let them go….. Perhaps their spirits are needed elsewhere.

Missy missed Oscar terribly.  It was heartbreaking to watch her search and call out for him every day.  The Vet said her arthritis was probably causing her pain and it was certainly affecting her mobility and quality of life.  Deep down I knew she wasn’t happy; her personality had changed.

I don’t know where I found the courage to take her to the vet on Monday.  It broke my heart when she snuggled her head under my arm and then peacefully passed away, with her little tongue cheekily sticking out.  She always did make me laugh, right to the very end. 

Life feels so empty.  My home is so very quiet without them.  The extra time I have on my hands and the freedom to do whatever I please, will take a bit of getting used to.

Before Oscar’s passing in November, I had never experienced grief, yet here I am twelve weeks later trying to come to terms with it all over again.

Excuse me if I am a little quiet writing and visiting blogs for a few days, but it’s difficult to free my mind from this numbness.

Rest in peace my little Missy-Squeak 

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75 thoughts on “R.I.P. little Missy

  1. kat

    oh, im soo so sorry for your loss of missy, on the heels of oscar. that is very sad. not to be pushy, but have you thought of volunteering at an animal shelter? or perhaps fostering some animals from the shelter? i did that for a bit after my sunshine passed on, and i think it helped a bit. good luck to you and send you warm and comforting thoughts.

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    1. Cat Post author

      I still have Jack my Jack Russell to keep me company. I have been thinking of fostering, but not right at this time,,

      Thank you for commenting, Kat

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      1. dharmagoddess

        Awww you too Cat, though I’m sorry about the circumstances that connected us again. Clearly a great number of people really love and care about you here Cat. What a touching bunch of sentiments people have posted. I hope you feel like you’ve been hugged by the Universe. 🙂

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  2. Mandy

    Cat, my heart breaks again for the beloved pets I’ve sat in the vet’s chair, holding them while they passed on to another world, as I read this. I know how fresh, raw, your pain is. And you were still in grief for Oscar–a double whammy. I know the healing spirit of animals. I hope you will allow another to fill your heart. Hugs to you, Cat.

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  3. Susan Irene Fox

    Oh, Cat, I’m so very sorry. Please do not be without a new little animal for very long. I just know there is a little out there who needs your tender care very much. Bless you. Keep your eyes and ears open. Though loving, furry family members cannot be replaced, new ones can keep our hearts open and our spirits raised. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  4. Eric Tonningsen

    My heart aches for you, Cat. Many of us have had to make difficult choices about our animal companions. It is NEVER easy. I know the strength and courage it takes to give permission to someone you love, to go. And you mustered that courage. If you don’t mind my saying, I am proud of you. You will always have memories of Oscar and Missy.

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  5. ziggy40

    Hugs, I recently lost my ‘fur-baby’, the pain is overwhelming for me at the moment. Sending compassion, I hope you have some support…lol
    Sorry for your deep loss
    Love Ziggy

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    1. Cat Post author

      Thank you, Ziggy. I’m sorry to learn you have also faced the same experience. It’s hard to grasp that it was the last kind act we could do for them.

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  6. depressedbuthopeful

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I really relate to what you said about your cats sometimes being the only reason you got out of bed. During my worst days it was only the need to feed and take care of my kitty that managed to drag me from my bed for brief moments.
    I’m glad that you were able to spend 15 years with your little munchkins. It must be especially difficult to lose two beings you have been so close to for so long, but you will also have so many wonderful memories. Take care. *hugs*

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    1. Cat Post author

      Yes, it sounds like we were both in similar positions. That responsibility for another living beings welfare can give us something to hold on to. The grieving process is a strange one, but I will eventually embrace the memories.

      Thank you for taking the time to comment

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  7. Priceless Joy

    My cat went missing last October and I have been able to fine her or her remains. It just killed me and I am still not finished grieving.But lately, I have learned I will not except her disappearnce and the only way that can be possible for me is to finally let her go, and adopt another.

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    1. Cat Post author

      I remember Missy used to go missing at l; east once a year, normally just before a Heatwave. The torture of not knowing is a real killer, I really do sympathise

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  8. Priceless Joy

    I am truly sorry about your cat, Oscar. I do know how painful it is. You said you didn’t know how you had the courage to take him to vet to have him put to sleep? You did it because you loved him and didn’t want him to suffer. Only “love” gave you that courage. Oscar knew/knows that. (I keep seeing a vision of my niece who also lost her life in October when my cat went missing, telling me, Aunt XXXXX, I just love your cat Sassy!) I believe she is there waiting for me, just like Oscar is waiting for you. I have a very old dog and I am dreading having to take him to vet to be put down. Sadly, I know that is right around the corner. God bless you Cat for loving your cat enough to not want him to suffer. ((Hugs))

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    1. Cat Post author

      I loved what you said, “Love gave you the courage to take them to the vet”. I also believe in the afterlife.

      I think, there is nothing worse than knowing that terrible trip to the vet is just around the corner. It takes a while to build that courage and certainty, but I believe we know in our hearts when the day arrives. My cyber support will be with you whenever that day arrives for you. For me, it needs to be done without planning….I just wake one morning and know it is the day. Fortunately, the Vets have accommodated that procedure. Making an advance appointment would be just too difficult.
      Do you think there is any chance of your cat returning?
      I’m saddened to learn of your niece. Blessings dear friend

      Thank you so much for commenting, Joy

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  9. releasing lunacy

    Oh Cat, my heart is breaking for you. I’m so sorry. Cats don’t do well when they lose their friend. My cat did the same, when I lost the first several years ago. A few months after O died, L got sick and died. They need one another. I’m sure Missy and Oscar are together now playing peacefully and without pain. I’m certain they’ll always be near you and checking in on you. I’m just so sorry for your pain. I know it hurts so much. Please take gentle care of yourself. You’ve been through quite a lot these last couple months. Sending love and strength. RL

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    1. Cat Post author

      Hi Rl…. So lovely to hear from you and thank you for such kind supportive words. I have thought about you a lot, knowing you have just been facing similar grief. It’s comforting to know people understand. I believe cats – especially the elderly – can miss their sibling so much, they die soon afterwards.

      I do have faith in them being together in the afterlife and when I momentarily catch a glimpse of them from the corner of my eye, I feel blessed by their “visit”. Missy is being cremated tonight and her ashes scattered tomorrow in the same Garden of Remembrance as Oscar. Oddly, that feels comforting.

      I’m soaking up your love and strength, thank you, Rl

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  10. Cate Reddell

    Oh Cat, I’m so sorry to read of Missy’s passing. That must be so difficult for you so soon after Oscar. I’m not sure on your beliefs but I wonder whether the two of them are back together again, this time with out their pain and suffering. That’s good for them but I know it leaves you so alone. It’s a huge transition to not having them around. Sending lots of love.

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    1. Cat Post author

      Thankfully, I still have Jack the Jack Russell!! He keeps me on my toes.
      I believe in an afterlife and I also believing their spirits are free and together, who knows, perhaps even a reincarnation to another desperate soul in need.
      Missy was cremated today and her ashes scattered in the same garden of remembrance as Oscar, which is somehow comforting.
      They have both left a huge gap in my life, my stomach sinks when I find myself momentarily thinking I’d better get their dinner ready, or catch a glimpse of them from the corner of my eye.
      It is a process many of us have had to face….time is the healer, I guess.
      Thank you for those lovely supportive words, Cate

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  11. The Pop Culture Rainman™

    When you are ready, I would encourage you to ‘save’ a new little kitteh or grown cat from a rescue or from http://www.petfinder,com I truly believe our Animals choose us, and they are soul mates of ours that teach us all the important things that we need to learn. I also totally understand how a cat or any animal could be the reason to get out of bed in the morning when depression sets in…if only so that they get fed. I lost my beloved male cat after eleven years and I thought I would never get another one; well I ended up rescuing a little female a year later and she is so affectionate & loving, like my little daughter and my boyfriend is obsessed with her. A new life when you are ready is a great thing. Best wishes.

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    1. Cat Post author

      I certainly believe animals choose us for particular reasons and maybe when that job is done, their spirits are reincarnated with another needy soul.
      It’s nice to hear another little kitty found you. I’m not sure where I will go with that. I still have my Jack Russell to keep me in check!
      Thank you for such lovely words of comfort

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  12. littlevoicetalks

    So so sorry for your loss Cat. Our animals are so precious, they bring so much to our worlds that no words can express at times. I shall be thinking of you. xx

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    1. Cat Post author

      Thanks, much appreciated. It’s so very difficult, but at least I know they are both at peace. They had 15 yrs of a wonderful life – spoiled rotten – and worth every bit of it.

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  13. RisingSong

    I am sorry, Cat. I can only agree with you – “Perhaps their spirits are needed elsewhere.” I truly believe that these animals came to you during a time when you deeply needed them…and now you are better.

    Take your time healing from this pain. We all ache for you. May Missy and Oscar reunite. You were very courageous to take that step in facilitating MIssy’s peace.

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  14. panikikubik

    You don’t have to excuse yourself for anything. I think your Missy and Oscar was very lucky to have you as their owner!
    I read somewhere what a boy sadi when his dog has to been put away at the vet because of illness. He was only about nine and about the question why a dog doesn’t live as long as a human being he answered. People have to learn all their life to be good to others. Dogs already knows it, so they don’t have to stay that long. I think that is correct when it comes to cats too.

    All the best to you Cat in this hard moment.

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  15. Mélanie

    RIP… I do understand you, Cat as I’m an animal lover – in general and a catlover myself… we’ve lost Tom and Kitty, we’ve had Lucky-Loulou for about 5 years now, a Spanish tomcat saved from the streets of Valencia… blue angel wolf is right: another cat won’t replace yours, but he/she will bring you affection and joy… my very best, courage and serenity! friendly thoughts, Mélanie

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    1. Cat Post author

      Thank you, Melanie. I’m lucky to still have Jack (the Jack Russell)…. not so sure about anymore cats, Missy and Oscar were the only two cats I have ever known. They kind of found me, as cats tend to do… time will tell.

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  16. Cheryl-Lynn

    Oh dear!! so much loss in a short span of time. I am truly sorry for your loss. I admire your courage to think of your cat’s pain before yours and not allow her to suffer more. I wish I had had that courage for my second cat. I can imagine how difficult this must be for you. I will be thinking of you…much luck as well on our your adventure…journey in “mentalizing” journey…it sounds fascinating. You are very generous to share here with the community. Thank you, Cheryl-Lynn

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    1. Cat Post author

      Ah! Cheryl, lovely to hear from you. Yes, so much bereavement. It went from one extreme of never experiencing the death of a pet/person, to losing my two kitty-babies within 10 weeks. They leave a huge gap in my life and home, but I have never doubted the decision. If anything, once the trauma cooled off, the conviction was stronger. I think, as pet owners, only we as individuals know when the time is right. I used to fret over it, knowing their age meant it was somewhere on the near agenda. However, when the time is upon you, you will know in your heart. It’s the last kindest act we can do, but I hope you don’t have to face it tooooo soooon.
      Many thanks for commenting

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      1. Cheryl-Lynn

        You are so kind, Cat. I’m glad you are at peace. No, my experiences are long past, but I did wait too long for my second kitty…i was not ready…so selfishly, I prolonged. I’ve learned an important lesson from this. I waited 3 years before rescuing another pet…and Bette is my bff for sure. Blessings, to you, Cheryl-Lynn

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