My blog has been quite quiet lately. I’ve been struggling to find the words to express how I have been feeling. Those who follow my blog might remember I had to have one of my beloved cats, Oscar, put to sleep in November last year.
Oscar and his sister, Missy, meant a great deal to me over 15 years while battling with mental illness. At times, they were the only contact I had with another living being; often the only reason I got out of bed.
Throughout the course of this past year, my life and mental health have been improving. I believe they came to me for a reason. Now that purpose is fulfilled, I need to let them go….. Perhaps their spirits are needed elsewhere.
Missy missed Oscar terribly. It was heartbreaking to watch her search and call out for him every day. The Vet said her arthritis was probably causing her pain and it was certainly affecting her mobility and quality of life. Deep down I knew she wasn’t happy; her personality had changed.
I don’t know where I found the courage to take her to the vet on Monday. It broke my heart when she snuggled her head under my arm and then peacefully passed away, with her little tongue cheekily sticking out. She always did make me laugh, right to the very end.
Life feels so empty. My home is so very quiet without them. The extra time I have on my hands and the freedom to do whatever I please, will take a bit of getting used to.
Before Oscar’s passing in November, I had never experienced grief, yet here I am twelve weeks later trying to come to terms with it all over again.
Excuse me if I am a little quiet writing and visiting blogs for a few days, but it’s difficult to free my mind from this numbness.
Rest in peace my little Missy-Squeak